There are seven skills to have with people that will help to motivate them to act in a desired way. Motivating people to act in desired manner require learnable skills.
1. Help people feel valued
Everyone and that includes you and I, like and want to be important. It is good to desire to be important. The secret is to value other people as much as you value yourself. As the bible says “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. There is power that happens when we learn the skill of making people feel important.
Everyone wants to be treated with respect and value. Nobody wants to be treated as a nobody. Every person is as important as the other person and wants to be treated as such. As the Declaration of Independence states “We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal”, all people carry the same value.
Some things you can do to make people help make people feel important are:
- Listen to them attentively – Listening to people valuing what they say is one the best ways to make them feel important. When you listen to other people you indicate to them that they are important enough to you that will listen to them. It will also help them have a better opinion of you. No listening to them will have the opposite effect.
- Answer the other person with care – Answer people in a way that show them that they are important to you. The best way to be skillful at answering people is to be thoughtful with your answers. That is what it is good to pause at times before you answer with you talk to other people.
- Use the other person name – When dealing people use their name often and it will have a positive effect on them that they may not even notice. For instance if you says “Good morning” to you will it not mean more to you if they said “Good morning ” and add your name.
- Compliment and commend them – Find things about people that you can applaud or commend them on. Don’t flatter people, but look for things you could respect about them. Compliment people on qualities they have and commend them on things they have done.
- Keep your word with people – Keeping your word with people is one of the best way to show people they are important to you. When you tell someone you are going to do something and you do it and shows the other person you value them.
2. Make a good impression
If you develop the skill to make people feel valued and add to it the skill to make a good impression on the same people you will become a master the art of dealing with people. Everyone like to deal with people they feel good about. What we are talking about here is more than just want to leave a good impression with people, this is about developing the ability to make a good impression with people.
We do not have total control on how people feel about us, but we can control how we approach them. We can conduct ourselves in ways that aid in the probability of making a good impression with people. Making a good impression has two primary purposes, getting people to think well of you and gaining their respect. The following are ways that will assist you in your effort to make a good impression with people.
- Respect who you are – Start by respecting your self. Come across that who you are is important. That simply means be confident in who are. The confidence that shows you have nothing to prove is the best kind. When people see that you are confident and you treat them important they will value it all the more and it will make a good impression on them.
- Respect what you do – This is also a good ingredient in being able to make a good impression on others. Everyone is impressed with anyone who respects what they do, because most people don’t respect or like what they do. Let people know that what you do is important and it will help them feel more important.
- Be enthusiastic – Enthusiasm is a strong feeling or interest with excitement. Everyone is attracted to enthusiasm it is contagious. It energized other people.
- Don’t run down other people – Avoid negative comments about other people. Focus on the positive aspects of people and you will make a good impression on people.
3. Influence people for their benefit
As you learn how to make people feel important and how make a good impression you are ready to have influence with people. Influence is to directly affect the way a person thinks or acts. The best way to influence a person to do what you want them to do is to know what would make them want to do it.
Don’t assume that people want what you want or that they are motivated the same way you are. Yes we generally want the same things as other people, but those things are mean different things to different people. For instance happiness means different things to different people.
To influence other people must find out three things about them. First you need to know who they are, second what they like and third what they want. Once you know these three things you can then present what you are offering in a way they will like and want.
Four steps to influencing people for their benefit:
- Find who they are.
- Find what they like.
- Find out what they want.
- Show them how partnering with you will help them get what they want.
4. Win people over
Another master skill will people we should develop is the ability to help people make their minds when it is in their best interest. It is normal for other people to be skeptical and little a bit suspicious when you are dealing with them in things that appear to be to your advantage. That is why is so important for you approach people in a particular way.
There are three strategies you could use –
I. Give people a reason to say yes to you
- When you want someone to do something you want, learn to give them a reason why they should do it.
- Make sure the reasons you give them is the reasons they would want.
- Make sure the reasons are for their benefit and advantage.
- Master showing people the reasons how they will benefit.
II. Master asking yes questions
- Get people into a yes frame of mind, by asking them a couple of simple yes questions.
- A yes question can only be asked with a yes.
III. Expect people say yes to you and let them know that you expect to say yes.
- When you develop the attitude that expects people to say yes to you that shows people that you are confident and helps them to have confidence in you.
- Give them the impression that you expect them to say yes, because it is in their best interest.
5. Bless people
Mastering the ability to bless people will cause you to be both a pleasing and attractive personality. To bless means to speak well of. There three ways to speak well of or to bless people. Be generous with all three of these.
- Acceptance
What we mean by acceptance is that you see every person as important. That means you accept other for who they are as in contrast to what you want them to be. Don’t expect people to be perfect or change before you accept them. Don’t put stipulation on people to gain your acceptance. A big part of acceptance is not just focusing on what people are today, but recognizing what they could be with the right encouragement. Bless people by showing them genuine acceptance.
- Approval
Approval is the next step from acceptance. Acceptance is about seeing a person as there are good or bad. Approval is about finding things about the person that you approve of. You may like their smile are the way they laugh. Find something good about the person to celebrate. You can always find something to approve of in others. Blessing others through your approval. Blessing people the right way will help them grow.
- Appreciation
Appreciation means to raise in value. Just think about it everything that you appreciate is raised in value to you. Begin to find reasons to appreciate other people. Showing people appreciation is a step higher than showing them approval Everyone needs to be appreciated. Showing appreciation is more about who are than who other people are. People will never change or get better for people who do not appreciate them. Waiting for people to get better or change before you appreciate them is like putting the cart before the horse. When you show people you appreciate them you give them permission to become better.
Learning to accept, approve and appreciate other people makes it much easier to bless them. Blessing people can come in the form of thoughts, words and actions. What you think of them, and what you say to them and how you treat them. Making a difference with people can make a difference in people.
6. Develop agreement with people
Everyone wants to be agreed with. There are four golden rules to principle of agreeing with people.
- People like being agreed with.
- People like people as they are agreeing with them.
- People dislike being disagreed with.
- People dislike like people when they are disagreeing with them.
The skill to agree with people has two parts, getting people to agree with you and learning how to agree with them. There five ways to be agreeable with people.
A. Be agreeable yourself.
- Don’t expect people to be agreeable with you if you are not agreeable with them.
- Be willing to hear people out.
B. Let people know you agree with.
- Tell people that you agree with them.
- Show through your body language that you agree with them.
C. When you disagree with people do it peacefully.
- Be polite.
- Control your tone.
D. Admit when you are wrong.
- Admit in words that you were wrong.
- Avoid lying, justifying or blaming, just admit.
E. Avoid Arguing.
- Dismiss yourself if you can.
- Apologize if you caused the arguing.
Although the goal is to not argue, arguments can not always be avoided. Here are some steps you can take to help bring agreement when a argument was not avoided.
I. Hear the other person out. Let the other person present their case. Do not interrupt them, you may not understand where their opinion in the argument. The other person has something on their minds and they need and want to speak. Remember that if you do not listen to them, it is unlikely they will listen to you.
II. Pause before you answer. Not pausing indicates that you are probably listening to the other person or that you are offended by what they said or saying. Pausing let’s the listener that what they are saying is heard because they are important enough to be listened to.
III. Don’t argue to win the argument. Unfortunately, when we get into arguments, we attempt to prove that we are right and the other person is wrong. Sometimes we are right in an argument, but it is wise to find some point of agreement if possible. Acknowledge when the other person is right.
IV. Present your case accurately. It is important to be totally accurate when you present your case in an argument. It is important that you do exaggerate your side.
V. Let the other person save face as much as possible. Sometimes the only thing that stopping the other person for admitting that they are on the wrong side of the argument. If you are wise you would leave the door open to them to leave their position and save face.
7. Critique people if you have to the right way
The word criticism has almost become a curse word. That is because of way criticism is handled most of time. Usually we criticize for three reasons,
- To tell someone off.
- To give someone a piece of your mind
- To put someone in their place
The true purpose of criticism, when it is necessary is to build up and not to tear down. It is to help people, not to hurt them. There are seven elements of criticizing the right way.
A. Criticism should be done in privacy.
- There should be no audience.
- Avoid raising your voice.
B. Begin with positive word or compliment.
- Create a friendly atmosphere with a friendly attitude.
- Offer kind words and compliments.
C. Make criticism impersonal.
- Do not make the criticize about you.
- The criticism should be about actions, not the person.
D. Provide solutions not just criticism.
- Steer the criticism to corrective actions.
- Don’t just show how they fail, show them how they could have done it right.
E. Ask for cooperation instead of demanding it.
- Asking is an invitation to cooperation.
- Give the person an incentive to correction their actions
F. Do not overly criticize
- There should be one criticism .
- Do not bring up past failures.
G. Make a friendly appeal.
- Try to start with a friendly tone.
- Try to end on a friendly note.